


A Complete Guide on Troll History, Anatomy, Culture and Terminology Told From the Perspective of an Actual Troll This Time

by glassglassglassmadeofclass



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Anatomy, Human/Troll Society, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Troll Anatomy, Troll Culture (Homestuck), Troll Genitalia, Troll terminology, Trolls, Trolls (Homestuck), book is written on earth c, headcannons, sgrub (mentioned), troll headcannons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-24 05:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13803936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassglassglassmadeofclass/pseuds/glassglassglassmadeofclass
Summary: (This is a fake book on trolls, written because I was bored but surprise surprise! I kind of want to continue this.)Knowledge on Trolls is a very hard to pin thing, especially when most of the info on their species was lost during the Armageddon that SGRUB created. But I, [REDACTED], have managed to steal some important saved info on Alternia, Troll anatomy, Troll history, Troll culture and Troll terminology from very secretive archives! Join me in my unadulterated, uncensored, sleep-deprived quest to inform you, probably an ignorant human, on how this glorious species works!





	1. Chapters 1-2

A Complete Guide on Troll History, Anatomy, Culture and Terminology Told From the Perspective of an Actual Troll This Time

By [REDACTED]

  
Sources: Biblio, Farniz, Teal. The Hemospectrum: Just What Is It? Outglut, Grubbleblublish, 5 BSG. Print.  
Caucot, Nubnna, Jade. A Complete Guide On Troll Terminology for the use of Humans. Austin, Texas, Skaia Publishings, 200 ASG. Print.  
Giryun, Bitchi, Fuschia. A True Comprehension on a Fuschia's Power in Society. Imperial City, Self-Published, 4,000 BSG. Print.  
Opiate, Gigi, Human. "My Personal Experience With Troll Anatomy". Blogfan, 22 December 6,000 ASG. Web. 02 January 6,001 ASG.  
Tungus, Brumpo, Rust. "Troll Culture Before and After SGRUB". Trollistics Archiveatorium, 13 April 5,999 ASG. Web. 04 January 6,001 ASG.  
Onnett, Mari, Human. "An Overview of Troll History" Trollistics Archiveatorium, 12 June 6,001 ASG. Web. 07 January, 6,001 ASG.  
Serket, "Mindfang" Aranea, Cerulean. "Journal Entry Num8er 8." (1845 BSG): 413-436. Printed copy.  
Cavalr, Juinic, Rust. Grebie, Vornox, Teal. Nilful, Bilmus, Purple. A Complete Summary of All of Troll History. Boring, Massachusets, Troll Culture Recovery, 4,133 ASG. Print.  
Iccass, Gigant, Bronze. What Happened in the Past? A History Book for Ignorant Wigglers and Adults Alike. A Ship on the Sea, Self-pulished. 15 BSG. Print.  
Square, Punett, Indigo. The Troll Genome, Alleles, Phenotypes and Genotypes. Somewhere in Space, Self-Published, 2,000 BSG. Print.

~Introduction~  
Many today think of Troll culture, anatomical studies, and the race's history to be long gone, erased at the beginning of SGRUB. Those many being both Humans and Trolls. This book will prove that to be simply untrue.  
Troll culture persisted when old books, movies and journals from BSG surfaced around 100 ASG, and are now carefully kept in well-guarded archives, only available to the public in small doses as PDFs. Several of these books only have a handful of chapters revealed to the general population, unfortunately, but people have learned to work with what they have now.  
I am not one of those people. I personally broke into these archives and spent days hiding in the vents just to read dusty, moldy, falling apart history books. Fear me.

With all that being said, we must now jump headfirst into the depths of Trollkind's past, starting with the beginnings of the species.

~Table of Contents~  
Ch. 1 - Introduction to History: Evolutionary Path of Trolls  
Ch. 2 - How Seatrolls Happened  
Ch. 3 - Early Civilizations  
Ch. 4 - How the Hemospectrum & Empire First Formed  
Ch. 5 - The First Quadrants  
Ch. 6 - Introduction to Anatomy - The Biological Implications of the Hemospectrum  
Ch. 7 - A Look at the Troll Genome  
Ch. 8 - Vital and Reproductive Organs  
Ch. 9 - The Anatomy of a Seadweller and How it Differs From That of a Landdweller  
Ch. 10 - Other Features of Troll Anatomy  
Ch. 11 - Introduction to Troll Culture - How Low, High, and Midbloods are Viewed By the General Public  
Ch. 12 - How Trolls View Quadrants  
Ch. 13 - Holidays  
Ch. 14 - The Anatomy of a Troll Hive  
Ch. 15 - Social Implications of a Highblood being in a Quadrant with a Lowblood  
Ch. 16 - Prejudices that Persist Even Today  
Ch. 17 - Introduction to Terminology - Important Terms in Alphabetical Order  
Ch. 18 - Final Words  
(Ch. 19 is actual sources for the terminology lol)

Chapter 1: Introduction to History: Evolutionary Path of Trolls

The evolutionary tree of Trollkind is still vastly unknown. From fossils, best guesses are we evolved from bugs, or a bug-like creature, like the one shown here:

 

This creature has the body of a grub, and similar features too. The colors of the eyes, wings, and tail are thought to be where bloodtypes melded from, like some kind of wax melt. Hell, dude, if I'm being serious I have no fucking clue how those damn pigments got made into blood colors. Evolution and Mama Nature are strange bitches. I hate the look of this hairy bug motherfucker. This is what we're all descended from? What the fuckle? Also, here it says "The original blood of all trolls was Grey." What in the SEVEN LAYERS OF ONION HELL.  
  
Anyfuckingways, as I was saying, the wings of the creature are actually useless. The shape was too odd and thin to carry the weight of the creature, light as it may be. It was an evolutionary mishap, but a genetic mutation can cause Trolls today to grow wings either in grubhood, pupation, or after puberty. Because evolution.

It is unknown how this creature reproduced without the use of Mother Grubs, and to be quite honest nobody really wants to fucking know. That's a mystery we have to seal away from Troll Scooby Doo.  
  
It is also unknown how it survived with such bright pigmentation, as the rainbow hue of their body should have made them easily spottable.

Eventually, the vestigial wings fell away from the form as it evolved, becoming locked away in the genetic code for generations until modern Troll.

Speaking of modern Trolls...  
  
Modern Trolls came about around 500,000 BSG. They were completely wild, killing any other Troll it came across with the exception of those they wanted to mate with. As I said earlier, how they reproduced without the Mother Grubs is still largely unknown, though there are theories, but nobody really wants to know how because ech.

Around 450,000 BSG, the first friendly interaction between early Trolls is thought to have occured. It happened in a desert region, where midbloods are theorized to be from, as would explain the Jade caste's inability to be harmed by the harsh rays of Alternian sun. The interaction occured after an ancient Tealblood, watching a Jadeblood from afar, witnessed them walking out of their hiding spot (they were like rudimentary hives) in the middle of sunlight. The Teal, thinking for the first time "Hey, maybe I should ally with them, they seem like they might be a good asset to me", waited until sundown when they could safely walk over to the Jadeblood. As a sign of "I'm not here to kill you and eat your green meatus", the Tealblood brought with them a fruit. It worked, and the two worked together the rest of the Jade's life (As Jadebloods do live a bit shorter than Tealbloods). The Jade would hunt during daylight, the Jade would show the Teal the things they had brought back during Sundown, one of the two small slivers of time when they were both awake, and the Teal would show the Jade the things they had brought back during Sunup.

Eventually, other trolls who spied on the two allies took note of this, and this eventaully lead to AH AH AH PIZZA HANDS OUT OF THE COOKIE JAR THIS TOPIC AINT UNTIL CHAPTER 3.

Now, you may be asking, "But where were seadwellers? How did seadwellers catch wind of this?? They all live underwater!!" Well, you see, those two trolls, the teal and jade ones, were actually like Troll Homo Erectus! They weren't quite trolls yet, but they definitely resembled them! And as a matter of fact, seatrolls didn't exist yet! That's right, your violetblood moirail is technically descended from a common ancestor of the both of you!

Which leads us.....to chapter 2.

Ch. 2 - How Seatrolls Happened

Seatrolls were not there when trolls started evolving. Seatrolls are, technically, subspecies from the rest of us. A popular theory states that shortly after the accident of the ancient Jade and Teal bonding, a group of purplebloods began living closer, and closer, and closer to sea. They set up their buildings and huts so close to the water that during the day they were forced to wade in it. Eventually, they swam in the deep waters, surfacing to breathe. The more they swam, the more they held their breath, the more their evolutionary fate was sealed. Over the generations, they got so good at holding their breaths that they could hold them for days at a time and only needed to surface one for a short puff of air before returning. They slept under there, god damn it! Eventually, Mother Nature decided "If they fuckin like the ocean so much why don't they just breathe it in??"  
  
So they got gills. How the gills worked was complex. You could breathe in the water through the gills, and they filled up a pair of special lung-like sacs with the salt water. However, breathe in water through your nose or mouth, and the lungs specialized for breathing air will be flooded and you'll die. That was back then. Now, over time, modern Seadwellers have evolved parts of their brain that shut off the ability to breathe through your nose or mouth as soon as you breathe in with your gills, making it impossible for a seadweller to drown unless their gills are covered.

Since the water was colder, and the envirmonment fucks with your blood color, the ocean temperature shifted the blood color from purple to a violet over time. A small group of these new violetbloods went deeper and deeper into the sea, turning their blood fuschia from the frigid water.

And that's how seadwellers were born! Let's hurry this the fuck up and get to chapter 3 already im on my 5th cup of coffee.


	2. Chapters 3-4

Ch. 3 - Early Civilizations

 

So, motherfuckers, you know those ancient Jade and Tealbloods I mentioned earlier? You know, the two that were possibly the first platonic bond for trolls ever? They quite possibly laid out foundations for civilization.

As stated in earlier chapters, the Jade and Teal were spied on by other trolls during the night. Trolls back then were a very sneaky, spying species that got their things from A. Stealing, B. Getting it from a very mad wild animal, C. Killing the person you want to take it from, and D. Actually getting it through non-stealy and non-murdery ways.

The trolls that spied on them probably thought it was a hell of a good idea. Bonds were formed through the rudimentary form of "If I give you this fruit we're friends now and you won't bash my brains in during the sleepy time hours. Got it? Got it."

Those bonds were small groups of just two trolls, but eventually, soon after, bled into groups of three, then four, then five. The largest group ever recorded was a hella party animal group of like fucking 35. Best pals, those partiers.

These groups grew larger and larger over time, so one day somebody thought up, "Hey, maybe we should have leaders!!!" The person who thought of that was a hell of a smart nut. Since the hemospectrum did not yet exist, the person who was in charge was not the person who was highest up on the spectrum, it was "Well okay who here is the tallest, strongest, and smartest all packed into one babe?"

And it worked. For the most part, those groups rarely ever disbanded. Eventually, groups found other groups and they all decided to stop living in gross caves. They made.....HIVES. Well, basic shelters made of logs and leaves. Hives come later. They found the wonders of growing food and pretty flowers through watching the seasons and going "Maybe......this little tiny thing??? Grows into THIS????" So they planted it and it did wth the hell!!!!!

So since they eventually found out about this cool as FUCK thing called irrigation (I have no idea how to spell that), they had food and basic hives now!!! it was so cool!!!

At this time, some of the BRAND NEW SEA PEOPLE had come out of the sea to join these little groups, and to help out with farming and shit.

And then they fucked it all up by making the hemospectrum. The hemospectrum done fucked it.

  
Ch. 4 - How the Hemospectrum & Empire First Formed

  
So like I said, the hemospectrum was not a thing that infinitely existed since the dawn of trollkind. No, it formed, and rather unnaturally.

The formation was several generations after the creation of society, in those little groups. They observed that those with red blood only lived to three quarters of a generation, those with brown blood lived to see one and one quarter of a generation, those with yellow to olive blood lived for two generations, jade green to cerulean blood lived for 5 generations, indigo to purple lived to more than 8, and those sea people that joined up a while ago lived for a fuck of a long time, longer than they could count.

Some became biased over this. Those with purple, violet, and fuschia blood viewed themselves superior due to how much longer they lived than the others, how much they lived longer than their so-called leaders. They overthrew whoever was present leader using their superior strength, and were basically like the nobility and royals of that time period. Those 3 newly formed castes thought they lived forver. And then the purples, who had lived for about 10 generations, started dying off. So they were knocked down a notch, not part of the common rabble, definitely not up there, but not on par with violets or fuschia. Then, the oldest violets, who had lived for 15 generations, began dying, and were knocked off to just a bit below fuschia due to their crazy as fuck longevity. The fuschias, who had no known end to how long they lived, died only because of sickness, disease, or injury, as admittedly those times were not clean like at all. Like bacteria was in their food, water, their grubs were fuckin covered in it, nobody lived long (Which is why violets could only live to 15 generations back then [Also note: generations are not the same as sweeps. They are measured by how old the youngest are and how old the oldest were, which is a bit confusing.] at all because goddamn everything was filthy. There was raw shit in the streets, clothes didn't exist, nobody washed their hands or asses, there was dirt all up in their meat, (both in the food AND genital sense!) it was gross.

Due to how little fuschias there were, there were only about 4 spread across these little villiages. The villiages who did not have fuschia were ruled by whoever was closest to the top. Villiages grew into towns, which grew into rudimentary cities, which became neighbors to each other.

Fuschias didn't, and still don't, like each other. REALLY didn't like each other. The four faced off and one left, naming herself this cool new word called an "Empress." She made one big ass megacity where she resided and lived in the largest hive, ruled over everyone, could kill whoever she pleased, and when her descendant reached adult age her and her descendant would face off in a fight.

This began the empire, a shimmering beacon that, although it holds no power on Earth C, remains in the form of the ever-present oppresors of the hemospectrum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was so short! Schools bitin me in the ass so im trying to pump out chapters as fast as i can.


	3. Chapters 5-6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I had a half day so this chapter has more meat to it for once! Enjoy!

Chapter 5: The First Quadrants

 

Ohhh, yes motherfuckers. Here it is. The thing I've wanted to talk about this whole time! Quadrants!

 

The first quadrants were simple enough. If you have no prior knowledge on quadrants, here's a brief explanation:

Moirailship is the pink diamond quadrant. Being a moirail does not mean you are just besties with your platonic partner, it means an oath to protect them, their wellbeing, and bother their mental, social, and physical health as much as you possibly can. Even though it is a platonic quadrant, it is still viewed as a form of romance.

Matespritship is the closest to a human romantic relationship as it gets.  Matespritship is the red heart symbol. Matespritship can work two ways. It can work as in you do not feel pity for the other and have pure love feelings, or you feel pity for the other AND love feelings at the same time. It is often interpreted as only the former, but a sizeable chunk of matespritships you may encounter are pity-based.

Kismisessitude is often misinterpreted by both trolls and humans alike. It is the black spades symbol. Kismisessitude is feelings of dislike towards someone, yes, but also a friendly competition is involved wherein there is no power struggle and both or more partners involved grow as people from it. It sucks when it's just interpreted as a gross BDSM relationship full of hate-fucking, because it really isn't.

And auspiticism is just mediating between a very hateful kismisessitude that shouldn't be together in the first place but whatever. It is the spades shaped symbol.

 

Now, I digress. Early quadrants were less complex and more stupid and rudimentary. Matespritship was viewed only as  "Damn hey you hot as hell wanna smash??" and not really as a romantic relationship. Matesprits would meet up about every week to, yall guessed it, fuck.

Kismissessitude was often god-awfully unhealthy for both and was, just like the bad interpretations, a hate-fuck BDSM relationship and nothing more. They would meet up every 2 months to fuck. Other than that, when they interacted at all, it usually ended in at least 1 bystander death and a smashed cranium.

Moirailship, while being the most tame one by far, was still simple and kind of dumb. Since trolls didn't get along even more than modern trolls, moirails were good friends. They were rare, far, and few. But the ones that did exist stayed together until they both died, and hey, maybe that makes it...maybe not as dumb, and kind of...sweet.

Auspiticism did not exist until far later, during the troll industrial revolution where mediators were seen as absolutely necessary because too many partners in unhealthy kismissesitudes were making their partners eat dangerous radioactive carcinomas and or shoving them into the huge, grindy, death machinery.

Matespritship became refined 700 sweeps after it's "invention." People who did not recognize their newly-found romantic-and-not-horny feelings wanted a term to call themselves by, so they stole "matesprits" from those horny, horny rowdy bastards. 

Kismissessitude became what it is today 1000 sweeps after it's introduction. The people who were in them got sick of the fighting, and agreed to still not like each other but try to at least let each other grow and not beat them into the ground like a sad flower.

Moirailship refined itself about 500 sweeps after it's intro. Trolls were, in a sense, still dicks but were getting better at how they treated one another. Moirailship was abandoned in the sense of "We're good friends" since people had multiple good friends now, and instead became the sense of wanting to protect and help your closest friend that it is today.

It isn't really known how or why they changed the way they did. Possibly, due to the fact that people got bored of the simple, rudimentary forms of relationships and craved something new to express the forms of emotions they felt for their peers.

 

Chapter 6: Introduction to Anatomy - the Biological Implications of the Hemospectrum

As previously mentioned in older chapters, Some parts of the hemospectrum fucked with your biology. If you're a rust, your life expectancy is 20-40 sweeps. If you're a fuschia, fuck man, who knows. 

There are actually several ways that the hemospectrum can directly mess with your biology.

 

1.Life Expectancy

Your life expectancy is directly dependant on your blood caste. To put it simply, the lower castes live the shortest, and the higher caste live for centuries or more. The average life expectancies are as follows:

Rust: 20-40 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 43.33-86.67 Earth Years

Gold: 45-57 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 97.5-123.5 Earth Years

Bronze: 60-68 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 130-147.33 Earth Years

Olive: 69(AYYYYY)-75 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 149.5-162.2 Earth Years

Jade: 77-89 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 166.83-192.83 Earth Years

Teal: 95-104 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 205.83-225.33 Earth Years

Cerulean: 203-225 (Cerulean is where "highblood" technically begins, so highbloods have much higher expectancies than the rabble of mid-low bloods) Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 439.83-487.5 Earth Years

Indigo: 255-296 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 552.5-641.33 Earth Years

Purple: 598-674 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 1295.67-1460.33 Earth Years

Violet: 754-798 Alternian Solar Sweeps, or 1633.67-1729 Earth Years

Fuschia: Nobody really knows. The Empress and her heiresses have such a long expectancy that none have died of actual old age to reach the end of it. It is expected to be 5678-5897, or 12302.33-12776.83 Earth Years though. However, those are just rough estimates.

The life expectancy of mutants and limes is also unknown. There have only been a handful of mutants to exist, and none have survived to adulthood long enough to get a good estimate. It is said to somewhat overlap an olive's life expectancy. The estimation is harder due to limes all being dead according to current records, too.

2\. Dental, Mental, and Physical Health.

 

Troll hygiene is just as important as a humans. Trolls need to apply deodorant, comb their hair, brush their teeth, floss, and bathe just like a human! However, depending on your caste, you may need to do certain things over and over again just to stay on par with hygiene standards.

Dental records comparing low, mid, and highbloods together show that lowbloods tend to get tooth rot, abscesses, crowded mouth, gingivitis and other fun gum diseases far easier and more frequently than mid and highbloods. Highbloods and midbloods, however, are more likely to have serious over and underbites, which can cause serious problems if not treated. 

One of the natural abilities that trolls use to take care of themselves better is the built in evolutionary ability to regrow teeth if one is lost. However, there is only a small chance that you will regrow teeth the lower you are. A rustblood has a 21% chance or regrowing the tooth if it's knocked out, but a seadweller's skull is like, 500% teeth at all times, so if you're a highblood that fucker is coming back out to see the light of day. Midbloods, particularly Jade and Ceruleanbloods, tend to have fangs that protrude past the lower lip. This is normal for Jadebloods, as most Jadebloods have the ability to become a rainbow drinker. However, it is unknown why ceruleanbloods have them. It is, however, theorized to be there due to the caste's link with spiders, spider lusii also being a popular lusii among ceruleans. 

The mental health also varies from caste to caste. Lowbloods, even though they live in dreary, oppressed conditions for most of their life, tend to be more mentally stable and even have lower rates of depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses than their higher peers. Midbloods don't break down often, and their mental instability comes out in short bursts of rage, particularly in rainbow drinkers. They have a higher rate of depression, anxiety, etc. than lowbloods, but are below highbloods. Highbloods, even though they are on the very top, tend to have the utmost highest rates of depression, suicide, anxiety, and other things. Due to highbloods being allowed to kill anyone who's lower than them that they please, do tend to be rather mentally unstable, and it is not uncommon for highbloods to go either permanently insane, or "murdermode" (also called highblood rages) in short bursts, in which they go on a murder spree. 

The physical health of trolls, like the other categories, varies. Lowblood grubs tend to have higher rates of being born with physical disabilities and deformities, minor ones including cleft palates, the worst recorded being a bronzeblood grub being hatched without horns, a left eye, or any grub legs. The grub was culled for these. On top of that, lowblood trolls have weaker bones than that of high and midbloods, which leads to easier bone breakage, paralysis, or even death. Eyesight also varies, with highbloods needing glasses or goggles most of the time. In seadwellers, it is especially needed, as exposure to saltwater to the eye tends to damage it, resulting in the need of eye apparel. Seadwellers also tend to get respiratory infections and diseases easier.

  1. (AN: Warning: Discussion of troll genitalia. If you're squeamish to the talk of sensitive parts, scroll until you can see the next AN.)



Castes also affect the genitalia, most notably the length of the bulge. Surprisingly, rustbloods don't have the smallest bulges, that's violetbloods. Poor fish. The second largest bulge size on average by caste is a tie between indigo and purplebloods. Also, just a heads up: Don't fuck fuschia bloods. You'll die. You'll just fucking die. They have an eldritch being between their legs and they're not afraid to use it.

The age that on average a normal troll hits puberty (6 sweeps) is not affected. All trolls of all castes hit puberty at nearly the same age, like humans.

 

  1. (AN: If you're squeamish to genital talks you can come out now, no more of that until the next anatomy chapter) Height



Unsurprisingly, the higher up the castes you are, the taller you're expected to be. There are averages for the castes adulthood heights.

Rusts are expected to only be about 5'3 at adulthood, bronzebloods are expected to be 5'4-5'5, goldbloods are expected to be 5'6-5'7, olives are expected to be 6'0, jades are expected to be 6'3, teals are expected to be 6'4-6'6, ceruleans and indigos are expected to be 6'7-6'8, purples at 7'0, violets at 7'3, and fuschias at a staggering 7'5.

There are outliers, however. The shortest violetblood, who was hatched without dwarfism even present in her genetics, only had an adult height of 4'9, and the tallest lowblood was a rustblood named Boylop, who stood at 6'7, and was viewed as a threat due to uncaste-like appearance and behavior and were culled on those grounds.

5: Body Types

A trolls body type doesn't always depend on the caste, but normally it does. Lowerbloods, who usually do the tough physical labor and are constantly fighting for their lives, tend to either be muscular or softer with a layer of muscle underneath. Lowbloods also tend to have broad shoulders. Even though they have muscles, they tend to not even be up to par with the strength of a scrawny purpleblood. That scrawny purpleblood can still fucking annihalate a strong rust. Midbloods have the most average body type, not muscular but not scrawny. They have strength even though they don't show it in their body type. Highbloods, despite being the strongest, tend to be the skinniest (The exception being most purplebloods. Purplebloods are fucking scary, yo).

 

And thus concludes the caste-based biology. Next, chapter, we’ll take a look at the genome. You know, alleles. Dominant, recessive, codominant. That’ll be fun as hell.

 


End file.
